Goooooodddd Moooorrrrnnning Fantasy football family! Welcome to your week two fantasy football power rankings. These things can be a tad monotonous to write if we go with the generic, formulaic way of doing it, so this week I am going to compare each team to some of my favorite GIFs (pronounced like the peanut butter brand, RICHIE! Fight me).
Side note! Last year we thoroughly enjoyed others taking over the reins of these rankings, so if you would like to participate and write one during the season, please don’t be shy! Evan and I would happily accept your contributions.
Rankings:
Waller?I Hardley Smith-Schuster (2-0, 338.06 PF)
This was a pretty easy choice. This definitely sums up my feelings, and I am sure it is the same feeling for the 10 other owners. Once again, the Galashi household has a powerhouse team. It is an odd year, so clearly it was Tina’s turn. Waller is going to continue to be peppered with targets and if Derrick Henry gets anywhere near the 41 opportunities he received last week, you will be hard to beat this season. After two monster weeks to start the season, the only way I see you being knocked down from the top spot would be an injury to one of your mainstays, as your bench is lacking some depth. Although, the McKissic pickup helps alleviate some of that worry. BTW, totally called that pickup to Kevin and Evan.
In it 4 Snacks (2-0, 292.36 PF)
This one might be a bit of pandering, as I know he is one of your favorite TV characters, but your team fits this GIF very well. Looking at your roster, I don’t see a glaring hole anywhere. Tannehill would be the only one who has disappointed so far, but he will bounce back. You have two guys in Diggs and Jones that can win you weeks on their own and the depth on your bench is very impressive considering I would start most of them in my flex over what I have to choose from on my roster.
Casa Gronka (1-1, 262.48 PF)
I can’t believe this is an actual GIF! It seriously could not fit your team name any better. Logan Thomas is seeming like a bit of a letdown, so the pickup of Gronk off of the waivers (after Richie inexplicably dropped him) transformed your team from a good team to a top-tier team. I was a little skeptical of McClaurin, but it seems he is bad QB proof and as long as Diontae isn’t out long-term, your WR group is one of the best of the bunch. The only worry I see on your roster is the health of Darrel Henderson. AJ Dillon is an afterthought for the Packer’s offense, but you can start both Cowboys’ Rbs in a pinch.
Chubby Choder (2-0, 245.36 PF)
So far, so good for the Chode this year. Your matchups have been pretty easy so far, but your team also has not performed up to their full potential quite yet. Saquon is clearly still working his way back to full health, but those big ‘ole thighs of his will be at full strength soon and Higbee surely has better days ahead; he can’t do much worse than his putrid one catch from last week. Miles Sanders may have been a mistake, but having him as your 3rd RB isn’t all that bad. Keep the momentum up my friend, you won’t play Kevin and me every week!
Thou Shenault Pass (1-1, 261.36 PF)
133 points will be a winning score most weeks, but unfortunately, you met the archnemesis of the entire league and I am sure you now understand why Tina has that title. Don’t feel too bad, she’s done this bullshit to all of us for 7 fucking years. As for your team, having Travis WR1 Kelce on your team will make you a formidable opponent each week and Antonio Gibson will improve from his rocky start. The Javonte Williams breakout hasn’t happened yet, but after watching the Broncos’ last two games hoping my Melvin Gordon shares would pan out, I think it’s safe to say Javonte is the back to own for the season.
Judge Juedy (1-1, 257.4 PF)
I have some questions. Why would you drop Gronk before the season even started? It’s not like you had a better TE. Also, I still don't understand picking Corey Davis in the 5th round… He’s good, but not that good. Finally, you have two players on IR, why? Curtis Samuel is a bum, time to cut his ass. Now that I got that out of my system, your roster is actually pretty rock solid. McCaffery is McCaffery and you have solid depth behind him. Your top 3 WRs won’t necessarily win you a week, but they are all the first options in their respective passing games, so they likely won’t burn you either. Also, classic Richie move; picking up Rondale Moore the week before his big breakout game, touche!
Ridley Me This (1-1, 251.2 PF)
This is exactly how I feel about my team after 2 weeks. Not great, but not terrible either. Jonathan Taylor has been a disappointment so far, but he has the most carries inside the 10-yard line in the first two weeks, so he should be fine. My WRs will have to do most of the heavy lifting this year, but that Kupp-Stafford connection has me feeling somewhat optimistic. With all that said, I foresee a middle-of-the-pack finish for the most boring team name in the league…
Koo Koo Kangaroo (0-2, 248.4 PF)
It’s been a rough start to the season for you, Kimi. 120 points in back-to-back weeks and no wins to show for it is tough, but it’s still early and better days are coming! Najee is struggling to get anything going behind that porous O-line in Pittsburgh, but I would gladly trade for the RB tandem you have and your WRs will give you some monster weeks in the near future. Dak will be fine and most weeks the stack of him and Amari will keep you in games. All positive vibes for this 0-2 team!
Discount Double Choke (1-1, 238.92 PF)
This is the first one where I struggled to come up with a GIF. However, I feel like this encapsulates how you feel whenever Rodgers connects with Davante Adams, so I went with it. Speaking of that stack, it’s hard to come up with two players on the same team that someone would want more. They will make you competitive most weeks, but outside of them, it could be tough sledding. Kittle is getting boned by the weird offense in San Fran and depending on a Jaxonville Jaguar and Houston Texan each week is less than desirable.
Kiss My Bass (0-2, 216.2 PF)
First off, this is one of my favorite GIFs of all time and I’m not sure why. This also perfectly sums up how I feel about your team after seeing the first two weeks and comparing that to how I felt about your team after draft night. Chase Claypool has been a disappointment, mainly because Big Ben is washed and should have retired two years ago, and losing Mostert two plays into the season really crushed your potential. Paying up for Mitchell was the right move, in my opinion, but we will see how that all plays out. I don’t foresee you being in the basement all season, but you need some guys to step up.
Establish the Fun (1-1, 196.56 PF)
This is how Evan and I feel every time you win starting a second-string running back and getting just enough out of them for a win. This week was definitely not one of those weeks. I don’t have the history of the league spreadsheet, but that had to be one of the lowest scores in league history. Unless Urban Meyer gets fired or realizes Carlos Hyde shouldn’t be on an NFL roster anymore, you will continue to struggle at the RB position. However, it’s not all doom and gloom! Metcalf and Tyreek are a pretty scary one-two punch and Josh Allen is capable of putting up 40 points every week.
Kevin’s Little Beauties (0-2, 188.2 PF)
Your team has looked about as good as Frank does so far this season. You’re in a dark place at the moment, but all is not lost! You still have Dalvin cook and Justin Herbert won’t underperform all season. A trade or two to shore up some of your weaknesses might help, but you were the first one eligible to use the COVID IR slot, so that’s something!
Matchup Predictions:
Ridley Me This (1-1) vs In It 4 Snacks (2-0)
This first household battle of the season will, unfortunately, be won by my better half. Mia’s team is loaded and should win this one by double digits.
Kiss My Bass (0-2) vs Koo Koo Kangaroo (0-2)
In the battle of the down, but not forgotten, I am going with Kimi. Kamara has a tough test on the road in NE, Ekeler is playing in a shoot-out agianst KC and Najee should have more room to run against the Bengals. Kimi wins by 7.5.
Thou Shenault Pass (1-1) vs Discount Double Choke (1-1)
Evan will have the bragging rights around the water cooler at work next Tuesday. Ty’son gets the soft Lions’ defense and Kittle finally gets to spin against a suspect GB defense.
Judge Jeudy (1-1) vs Waller?I Hardley Smith-Schuster (2-0)
Hard to pick against Tina at this point. She has plus matchups up and down her roster. Tina smokes Richie by 25 in the most lopsided matchup of the week.
Kevin’s Little Beauties (0-2) vs Establish the Fun (1-1)
In the battle of bottom feeders, Kevin gets his first win of the season. Detroit can’t cover the TE, so Andrews has a big day and CEH finally lives up to his draft capital. Kevin takes this one by 15.
Chubby Choder (2-0) vs Casa Gronka (1-1)
The Chode’s early-season success continues this week against Drew. Even though I like Drew’s long-term view better, the uncertainty of Henderson and Johnson’s health and some tough matchups for Zeke and Scary Terry give Dan the advantage he needs. Dan wins by 5.
Good luck this week everyone and let us know if you would like to contribute your talents to the power rankings this season! All are welcome!