The Gang Plays Fantasy Football Draft Date, Order Confirmed
Draft to take place 9/7; Richie Borneman wins draft lottery
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The Gang Plays Fantasy Football Draft Date and Order Confirmed
Draft To Take Place on 9/7; Draft Order Determined with Bingo Cage
Mill Creek, WA, 7/30/2021 - The Co-Commissioners of The Gang Plays Fantasy Football, one of the preeminent fantasy football leagues west of the Mississippi River, has announced the draft date and order for their seventh season.
The draft will take place on Tuesday, September 7 at 8:30 PST.
Previous drafts have typically been hosted in person in extravagant party settings complete with ornate food spreads and copious amounts of alcohol, but league members’ schedules would not accommodate such an event this season.
“Our dear friends in The Gang Plays Fantasy Football have had to endure a rough last year with the fake news ‘Covid’ hoax the government has been perpetuating” explains league Co-Commissioner Bradley Vande Vusse. “Though I’ve been living my life as normal like a patriot, a lot of our league members have been following CDC guidelines like the sheeple they are, and as a result are making up for lost time and planning fun things to do. Oh, and can you remove that ‘sheeple’ line? I don’t want to offend anyone in the league, though I do loathe them. Are you still recording? Hello? What the fuck? Hello?!”
The draft order has traditionally been established in a variety of ways over the years. Methods have run the gamut from time trial rubber ducky races at Carkeek Park to finding strange men on Reddit with homemade bingo blowers to set the order and film the proceedings. This year the league Co-Commissioners opted for a standard hand crank bingo cage method at Brad and Mia’s house in Mill Creek. League members Mia Naficy and Kimi Nolte were on hand at the event; Mia was tasked with recording and Kimi acted as auditor, as the Co-Commissioners have reportedly lost the trust of most of the league.
“In this era of paranoia and fake news, it makes sense that this sort of smooth-brained, tin-foil-hat-wearing ‘the draft order is rigged’ nonsense would leak into league business” explains Co-Commissioner Evan Buck. “I trust this is off the record, but confidentially, we have been plotting against the Kevin and Kristina hegemony since year two. None of these dickheads have any idea, but we’ve tried to muddy the waters a bit and sabotage them but the universe just keeps boning us. They can’t keep winning, they just can’t. Hey, why is that light on your recorder? What the fuck? Shut it off, prick!”
The final The Gang Plays Fantasy Football draft order is as follows:
Richie
Kevin
Hannah
Kristina
Drew
Evan
Ivan
Brad
Josh
Kimi
Mia
Dan
A recording of the Draft Lottery can be viewed here.